Born Again This Way by Gilson Rachel

Author:Gilson, Rachel
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781784985103
Publisher: The Good Book Company
Published: 2020-03-02T00:00:00+00:00

So the first benefit of sibling language is that it properly aligns us to what non-marital intimacy is to look like—away from sexual and romantic bonding and toward proper affection and closeness. Another benefit that siblinghood has over friendship is that it is unchosen: that is, we don’t pick our family; we simply receive them. Our friends, however, are based more often on choice. The unchosen nature of family is beneficial because it battles against our tendency to separate into affinity groups, or, more concerningly, to pair off and treat best friends like spouses.

It is important to note that it is not wrong to have some siblings that you are closer to than others. And that closeness is friendship. In the novel Pride and Prejudice sisters Jane and Elizabeth Bennet share a special bond, a close friendship, within a sibling set. Jesus also seems to have had a special closeness with some of his disciples over others. We humans are communal, and there is so much life to be found in close relationships. The ease and delight when you just “get” someone, and it is mutual, creates a warm experience of home.

These relationships are the context for soul-sharpening, where the “one-anothers” of Scripture are particularly practiced—commands to love one another, encourage, pray for, bear with and even if necessary rebuke one another. A good friend can tell when you’re hiding something. They can tell when you’re low, sometimes even before you notice. They can call out special giftings that you’ve been given to serve the body with, and prod you toward fuller faithfulness. Here, there is safety to discuss real fear and struggle, and to offer and receive true help, not platitudes. Close friendship is a treasure.

But as with any powerful gift that God gives us, human sinfulness and weakness can cause us to wield it falsely. How easy it is to spend all our time with the person or the group we prefer, not engaging in full body life. The church family, like every human family, has members that are more difficult to love. It will include individuals who we don’t naturally “click” with—maybe even some who get on our very last nerve. It is right here that we are called to love. That doesn’t require you to feel the same affection toward all, or that you spend equal amounts of time with all. But functional disconnection can’t be love, either.

We are all painful works in progress when it comes to biblical community. But God’s placement of us into his family isn’t just an optional bonus for extroverts. It’s a blessing and a challenge—just what we need to live fully. We need full family, with all its pitfalls and prizes. The larger collection of brothers and sisters can help our close friendships not sink in on themselves like an ingrown toenail of the body. And our close friendships within the body can be special sources of love and blessing, as we team up with those we love best to use our gifts for loving widely.

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